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ambientlightone of those paranoia memes, the key difference being that none of these is addressed to anyone on my f-list. also, two of these are from fictional characters to other fictional characters, and two are to the same person. speculation not disallowed, but not particularly encouraged either. i don't know if any of this counts as real angst ( please note: i tend to appear more serious online. i think. ) but it is just as worthy of your attention, i.e. not much at all. ^_^;;
1. i wonder if there is something calculated in your kindness. not in a bad way, mind, not at all -- just if there is a conscious effort behind it. i would find that more admirable, in a way, than unthinking good-naturedness. but i have odd priorities. i could never be so sensible and so ambitious at the same time, so compassionate yet so logical, and i admire you for that too.
2. you are a strange combination of detached enigmatism and an unthinking sort of honesty; i would like to say that that reminds me of myself, although i am not so much enigmatic as i am lacking in the personality department. but then i remember that i do not know you well enough to make such appraisals, anyway. still, sometimes i wish i knew you in a different context, just so i could know if you are consistent in that combination.
3. the words of an uninvolved person ( those who knew seemed to think it insignificant ) were what finally allowed me to think this: that the only thing you were right about was how you had never been worth my pity, let alone my patience. sometimes, when in enough of a mood, i resent the fact that i - pacifist more in passivity than philosophy - condoned violence towards myself.
4. usually i would not subscribe to the idea that ignorance is bliss, but where you are concerned i would like to believe that you are as uncorrupted as you seem, as earnest and genuine and unpretentious as you act, and if the truth is otherwise then no, i would not want to know. besides, i have no reason to doubt that you are real.
5. i do not wonder why you are the way you are, and it is not my place to; i cannot truly say that i feel real guilt, for even if i do it is not enough guilt to prompt me to action. yet still i am sorry for everything we could have done -- everything that we can still do now, but are not doing. i hope things work out as okay as possible, for you. it is a weak wish with no action behind it, i know.
6. where are you now, i wonder, and what are you thinking? i do not understand people like you, who believe in things and in words, but i suppose i admire you enough. do you remember me, and if you do then what of me do you recall, and will i see your name somewhere in the papers, some years in the future? it will be like a reunion, one-sided though it may be. i never have anything important to say at reunions.
7. i hope that i may someday find out who you are and why you are talking to me, but doubt that that day will ever come. i am sure there is some subtle way to get around what would otherwise be awkward and embarrassing, but i am not very good with creative plans. or subtlety, for that matter.
8. what happened since then i do not know, beyond what i can infer and guess at, but in any case i hope that it did not cause too much trouble. good intentions and the road to hell, you know how it goes; i am lucky to have escaped that, but i am not sure if you did. i cannot blame the cruelty of others, not entirely -- part of the fault is my own, if only through some sort of causation.
9. i wonder if we will know each other for very much longer; i have never been the sort to make an effort. and yet you have been a strange sort of constant, the sort one takes for granted and will only realise ( if ever ) in its absence. i have few enough constants as it is. i do not know if that is reason enough to try maintaining one.
1. i wonder if there is something calculated in your kindness. not in a bad way, mind, not at all -- just if there is a conscious effort behind it. i would find that more admirable, in a way, than unthinking good-naturedness. but i have odd priorities. i could never be so sensible and so ambitious at the same time, so compassionate yet so logical, and i admire you for that too.
2. you are a strange combination of detached enigmatism and an unthinking sort of honesty; i would like to say that that reminds me of myself, although i am not so much enigmatic as i am lacking in the personality department. but then i remember that i do not know you well enough to make such appraisals, anyway. still, sometimes i wish i knew you in a different context, just so i could know if you are consistent in that combination.
3. the words of an uninvolved person ( those who knew seemed to think it insignificant ) were what finally allowed me to think this: that the only thing you were right about was how you had never been worth my pity, let alone my patience. sometimes, when in enough of a mood, i resent the fact that i - pacifist more in passivity than philosophy - condoned violence towards myself.
4. usually i would not subscribe to the idea that ignorance is bliss, but where you are concerned i would like to believe that you are as uncorrupted as you seem, as earnest and genuine and unpretentious as you act, and if the truth is otherwise then no, i would not want to know. besides, i have no reason to doubt that you are real.
5. i do not wonder why you are the way you are, and it is not my place to; i cannot truly say that i feel real guilt, for even if i do it is not enough guilt to prompt me to action. yet still i am sorry for everything we could have done -- everything that we can still do now, but are not doing. i hope things work out as okay as possible, for you. it is a weak wish with no action behind it, i know.
6. where are you now, i wonder, and what are you thinking? i do not understand people like you, who believe in things and in words, but i suppose i admire you enough. do you remember me, and if you do then what of me do you recall, and will i see your name somewhere in the papers, some years in the future? it will be like a reunion, one-sided though it may be. i never have anything important to say at reunions.
7. i hope that i may someday find out who you are and why you are talking to me, but doubt that that day will ever come. i am sure there is some subtle way to get around what would otherwise be awkward and embarrassing, but i am not very good with creative plans. or subtlety, for that matter.
8. what happened since then i do not know, beyond what i can infer and guess at, but in any case i hope that it did not cause too much trouble. good intentions and the road to hell, you know how it goes; i am lucky to have escaped that, but i am not sure if you did. i cannot blame the cruelty of others, not entirely -- part of the fault is my own, if only through some sort of causation.
9. i wonder if we will know each other for very much longer; i have never been the sort to make an effort. and yet you have been a strange sort of constant, the sort one takes for granted and will only realise ( if ever ) in its absence. i have few enough constants as it is. i do not know if that is reason enough to try maintaining one.
